Letters: Trajectory of Life -- 2

Dear friend,

It’s episode 2, and I'll start with pre-birth.

Pre-birth stage

These are a series of events that set an individual on a track, even before they are born.

Last week, I told you that even the marriage decisions of your grandparents had effects on your life trajectory. Biologically, you inherit certain traits from your ancestors that contribute to your own individual self. Your physique, psychological tolerance, intelligence, etc.

Aside from these, where they are from is a contributing factor. Where they lived.

Take this: many African Americans became Americans because somewhere in their family tree, a particular ancestor of theirs was shipped during the slave trade, got freedom, and remained in America (it applies in all countries that have mixed race in them)

Had it been that that particular ancestor remained in their homeland, what would have happened? Would these progenies exist? Had their ancestors died during slavery, pre-freedom, what would have happened?

Let’s get down a bit to the parent level… Some children currently live abroad or hold dual citizenship because their parents migrated some time ago. In a nutshell, the decisions of your parents, their parents, and the parents of your parents, to an extent, will determine how your life will be set when you are born. I hope that didn’t confuse you. This is why you must be careful and intentional about the decisions you make today; they will affect generations after you and tilt their lives in some way, whether you like it or not.

I call it the parental factor. This is the strongest because it will follow you to your grave, which is why you must know them.

This determines the trait combination you carry; your gene profile.

The environment you are exposed to from birth.

The school you attend.

The way you are brought up.

And what else? them plenty…

That you were born in Nigeria is your parents'… now, this might be no fault of theirs, but I am trying to help you see how important this is in your life.

Prior to your birth, certain conditions have been put in place and are running; if you don’t identify them on time and set constraints, they will take you in their direction. A lot of the unfortunate incidents we see aren’t really the fault of the main players.

Let me tell you a little about my earliest years and how the parent factor helped shape my trajectory into becoming an intentional being.

My mom was the kind of person who would never let her children be outside while she was indoors. We often begged and cried (my younger brother and I) for her to let us go out and play with the other children in the neighborhood. Sometimes, we sneaked off, or when she left home, we took advantage of her absence to go play outside (when I say outside, I mean RIGHT INSIDE OUR COMPOUND, not even in the streets). Whenever we sighted her from afar, we runnnnnn!

Now, with time, she became stricter with her policy, especially with me, the elder one. I would cry and nag, but she would never bulge. With time, we began playing in church; it became our playground, 'cause we had no opportunity to play at home. Even at that, we received beatings anytime we played in church, though we continued until I got myself injured while playing in church and got the beating of my life at home that day. I stopped, while my younger brother continued.

During the holidays, we were not given the opportunity to relax or play, except during the Christmas season; even then, we were still timed…

As time went on, I grew tired of asking to play, and I withdrew into myself. That was when I discovered books. Since I had no friends to play with, when I was not soliloquizing, I was actively reading; I read everything I could lay my hands on, and it has continued…

Two things are evident here; I’d write about the second in our next episode.

Had my mother been a carefree mom who didn't care if her children were miles away, I wouldn’t have been this way.

During that period, my mom was still a stay-at-home mom --- what they call ‘Housewife ’. Had she been actively working, who would have set that policy that later made me love reading? Who?

Can you now see the parent factor in play?

The type of parents you have will set many things rolling in your life, which you would have little control over, especially in your early life: 0-14yrs.

The difference between you and that guy over there who, to you, is wasting his life on drugs could be as simple and complex as ‘The parent’.

There is this concept in psychology called the nature-nurture effect that seeks to explain the relationship between your genes and your environment. The parent factor belongs to the second, but I’d leave this effect till next week’s letter when I’d connect both.

Now, you should identify the strengths you have gotten without request because of this factor that you can’t control, and equally identify the weaknesses/shortcomings you have.

Analyze both, and work your way forward with what you have. No one has it all, but in a cake party, when life gives you flour, she expects you to bake a cake with it, even if it entails getting the other ingredients from others.

You were born into a trajectory that can make or mar you. But you still have the power to realign yourself.

Rooting for you, and I trust you too are rooting for me.

Best Regards,

Joseph Chisom Ofonagoro.

Till I write next, Goodbye!